Mumble Jumble.

I should apologize. I need to apologize. For all the times I've pushed you away from me. For not letting you in the way you've let me into your life. Ever since last year, I've basically stopped trusting people. This year made me stop trusting myself and I've just become so scared of someone, someone I trust and respect, just up and walking out of my life. I can say over and over again that I've over that event, and truly, I am over her but I'm not over how it impacted me. How it made me rethink all of my friendships and how I react to the world. But, it has impacted me in more than just a negative way. First off, I realized who my true friends are, the ones that leave encouraging voicemails on your phone when you're having a horrible day (and I actually still have them and listen to them often so shout out to you guys because you know who you are!). Not to mention, I am now more comfortable with the fact that maybe I don't need to please everyone. I don't have to be friends with everyone in the whole wide world and if they don't wanna be friends, well, screw you. Okay, maybe not screw you but you're missing out! :P Ever since elementary school, I've built up this wall, this persona of who I think people want me to be and I haven't been able to stop it. It's like a little white lie that you tell that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Now, I'm to the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. What is really me and what is this persona? Mid-teen/college crisis anyone?

And a very smart person once told me: "I keep all my journals from way back when to remind myself not to take me so seriously." So journal/blog/whateverthishasbecome, this is my own reminder to myself to not take me so seriously. Take a chill pill, yo.