you're too good for me. I only dream that I could be as laid-back as you. Take things as they come and
learn to forgive and forget. For some reason, I can't seem to do the latter. It's been a real problem lately. Some examples:
- when that happened over facebook. of all places. facebook. really? am i that insignificant that you didn't want to bother to pick up the phone or tell me in person? i thought i could be strong. i didn't cry when it happened. i guess holding it in has its downfalls ..
- spokane scholars. i'll just come out and say it. i was ticked. but! i'm trying to move on.
- hello. remember how he curved that test for everyone else this year but not for me? of course i was pissed that he didnt do the same for me. did you not hear a word I said last year about how tough that class for me?
And of course, last but not least... college rejections. The scary thing is that I dont know if I will ever recover from the utter embarrassment and depression that I got from those rejections. I bust my butt for four straight years and now I'm just finally realizing that no one actually thinks I'm worth a
centimeter of dirt. And that sort of blows. If I could, I would have spent hours locked up in the hotel room crying but luckily I had to make an appearance at the hotel restaurant where Hallie's family was waiting. I'm glad I was forced to do that because I don't think I would have "semi-" accepted it as fast as I had to. Pobre Hallie's family though. I felt horrible about making them feel awkward when I started tearing up at the table. [I'm sorry!] I don't expect anyone to understand the pain I'm going through. I do appreciate all the attempts to make me feel better; however, right now, I can't believe any of the nice things people say. This gloomy rainy cloud hovers around my body and I'm not sure when it's going to stop raining. I could bring out my poncho but for now, I think I'm just going to settle with letting the rain slowly wash away my tears and soak into my clothing.
So the topic for this next month, is to try to move on. To try to not regret the things that have happened to me. To try to be more optimistic.
Let's just try.
