Crossing out the days.

You know the days. The days where you feel lost. People rush past you but it feels as if you're stuck in quicksand with no voice box. Drowning in all this piled upon you. Try as you may, you can't get away from this unless you drag yourself back to bed.

My life seems to be falling apart while I try to maintain this image of order and pristine. I am completely failing but no one seems to pay attention. They tell me I'm doing great but if I am, why don't I feel so. I know I should be grateful for the love in my life. It's not that I don't. I just can't seem to believe them. Maybe it's all the mistrust in me. I believe in others but when it comes towards me, I shrug away. Away from the potential disappointments of a failed friendship? Not sure yet.

At this point, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. My soul is pushing at me to leave. My stubborness wants me to stay here. College? Let's not even get started. At this point, I'm unsure as to if I'm even going to make it in. Dreading the time when my friends have separated from me. They won't be keeping in touch. They'll move on with their lives. But will I?

Too much contemplation. I need to get back to work.