Love...

“You think because he doesn’t love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn’t want you anymore that he is right — that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don’t. It’s a bad word, ‘belong.’ Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn’t be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can’t even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, beacuse the clouds let him; they don’t wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him. You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he. You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can’t value you more than you value yourself.” ―Toni Morrison

(From Thought Catalog's 30 Quotes That Will Make You ReThink Love)

The last couple of weeks has been an emotional whirlwind.

For the first time in 8 years, I like someone and they have absolutely no interest in me. Boo hoo, Helen. It's weird because of the way I fall for people. I feel like I have an addictive-type of personality: when I find things I like, I tend to "over-do" it, whether it'd be listening to a song straight for a week... or two. or maybe a month.

So, for these past two weeks, I've been bottling in and trying to suppress all these building feelings. And then yesterday was frolf. (Note to self: don't drink when sad.) Not that I started out sad, but seeing him there and being ignored was pretty bad when I was drunk. It's like the dam broke and all my mushy feelings and insecurities came bubbling up to the surface. Fact: everyone has insecurities. Point me to a person who doesn't and I'll tell you that they've just perfected the art of hiding it well. Normally, I hide it well with my enthusiastic, big personality but every once in a while, I break down. Usually, it's with the person I'm dating.... but plot twist! Not dating anyone so it ended up at frolf. That was embarrassing.

But lessons to be learned:
1) learn how to control my feelings.
2) look at number 1.

When I first heard this, I had shivers up and down my whole body for the whole time. Yeah, it's serious.

Last home game in college?

Happy

21 Essential Love Lessons by Eloquent People

Because goodness knows I don't have the words for it.

“I can give you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart. I am trying to bribe you with uncertainty, with danger, with defeat.” ~Jorge Luis Borges

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.” ~ Francis Scott Fitzgerald

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love.” ~ Dr. Seuss

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ~ C.S. Lewis

“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” ~ Paulo Coelho

(From Rebel Society)

"Paper Menagerie" by Ken Liu

"Paper Menagerie"

by Ken Liu

One of my earliest memories starts with me sobbing. I refused to be soothed no matter what Mom and Dad tried.

Dad gave up and left the bedroom, but Mom took me into the kitchen and sat me down at the breakfast table.

"Kan, kan," she said, as she pulled a sheet of wrapping paper from on top of the fridge. For years, Mom carefully sliced open the wrappings around Christmas gifts and saved them on top of the fridge in a thick stack.

She set the paper down, plain side facing up, and began to fold it. I stopped crying and watched her, curious.

She turned the paper over and folded it again. She pleated, packed, tucked, rolled, and twisted until the paper disappeared between her cupped hands. Then she lifted the folded-up paper packet to her mouth and blew into it, like a balloon.

"Kan," she said. "Laohu." She put her hands down on the table and let go.